Complicated New Year

     

     I totally realized the conflicts of being in a broken family. I always celebrate New Years with my father, from the day I was born but this New Year, January 2022 is the first time I didn't celebrate New Year with my father. It's because I celebrated with my mother.

     I can't help but cry secretly because of that. But on the other side, that makes me think about my mother. What does she feel when she's celebrating birthdays? New Years? or even Christmas? (even though we don't have a Christmas, we are Iglesia Ni Cristo but she is not) Who is she celebrating with? Or is she even celebrates? So that's why I agreed that I will celebrate New Year with her.

     I don't know the exact reason why they've separated. I was seven, I just opened my eye with my parents not together anymore. During my early ages, I'm not asking my dad about her, I don't know, but for me it's because he can be both mother and father for me and my older brother.

     Until February 2, 2019, an unknown number called me... and yes, my mother. I don't know how she got my number but I think it's from my Facebook. We had a conversation and we can't avoid to cry. The next day, we met. Again. After almost 10 years. My father isn't home so she went there to see my brother, but my brother didn't acknowledge her, and I don't know why.

     But months passed, he learned to forgive her (for whatever reason), to acknowledge her again. Thankfully she is trying her best to be a mother to us now. But there's still something that I can't feel, I cant find out what yet. 

     Being in a broken family is so hard. Really hard.

     So I promised to myself that if I will marry a man, I will make sure that we will last forever.